Ladies and gentlemen, we are finally back! It was a long two months. Yes, I know that we had the club World Cup in July, but that did nothing for me. I need the real drama. The matches that actually matter. The shocking transfers that happen when you least expect them. There were so many transfers in and out that we have to go over and there may be even more to come. The summer window is open until September 1, so we have a long way to go. If you are new here, this is a weekly article series handicapping the English premier league and recapping all of the news that surrounds the league. Last year we did every match week, so you can expect another 38 posts from me. Along with predicting the matches, I provided a bet card for the weekend and last year we finished 99-73, 57.55%. We will be riding again. Assemble.

Saturday, August 16, 2025

Aston Villa v. Newcastle United | 7:30am EST

Aston Villa no notable signings this summer. Newcastle no notable signings this summer. Villa seem to be forcing their keeper, Emi Martinez, out of the squad for some reason. And they have not really even brought in anyone worth mentioning here. It doesn’t really seem like they are trying to get better but that is probably because of the FPP rules in England (Dumb). Newcastle on the other hand, they have been making the attempts to keep up with the big six in the league. Their only problem: No one wants to join the club. They went for Hugo Ekitike. He signed for Liverpool. They tried to sign Joao Pedro. He signed for Chelsea. They tried to sign Benjamin Sesko. He signed for Manchester United. See a pattern here? And to make matters even worse, their leading scorer from last season, Isaak, is doing everything in this power to not be a Newcastle player. They’ve signed Anthony Elanga from Forest and brought in Aaron Ramsdale on loan but those two moves do not solve anything. Especially if Isaak refuses to be included. I am not moved by either teams’ defense, so give me the goals. We will take the over.

Tottenham Hotspur v. Burnley | 10:00am EST

Would you look at that? Burnley is back. After spending last season in the second division in the Championship, they have found their way back into the top flight. With that being said, they will not be staying up. Rock bottom. Spurs will be better than they were last season. I will guarantee that. They have secured a full signing on Tel, they’ve brought in Kudus from West Ham, and they brought in Joao Palhinha on loan from Bayern. The problem is: They have probably lost James Maddison for a majority of the season with a torn ACL. They have no middle play maker. I have seen some rumblings of a possible signing of Eberechi Eze from Crystal Palace. That deal will almost definitely happen. Spurs just lost to PSG in the Super Cup final but in reality, they probably should’ve won. They’ll be out swinging early. At home. Let’s see one go through the hoop. Spurs for the win.

Sunderland v. West Ham United | 10:00am EST

Now, here’s a newly promoted team that I am high on to stay up. Sunderland are finally back in the league after many seasons away. They got brought back to league two at one point. But they are back and they are spending like they are never going back down. And I am a believer. They’ve signed Granit Xhaka from Bayern Leverkusen and he’s now their team captain. Instant impact. They have signed a boat load of players, there’s too many to go over. It’s a similar play action that Forest implemented when they were promoted a couple of years ago. Let’s see if it pays off. West Ham are trending in the opposite direction. Paqueta seems to be out. Edeson Alvarez seems to be out. They’ve sold Kudus to Spurs. On the other hand, they did sign Kyle Walker-Peters and Callum Wilson on free transfers. Not moved, are you? No. Neither am I. They are actually one of my picks to go down this season. Their manager, Potter, stinks and so does their squad. They are destined for championship football. You know what. It all leads back to Declan Rice forcing his way out a couple years ago. Imagine that. Guy turns his back on his boyhood club and kicks off their soon to be downfall. Disgrace.

Wolverhampton v. Manchester City | 12:30pm EST

Another pick to go down! HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA. Your time is up, Wolverhampton. I have really had enough of you. They do nothing. Sell all of their best players every year and replaces them with slightly average players. They’ve been doing this since their arrival in the league. Time is catching up to the Wolves’ games. Haaland hat-trick. Cherki masterclass. Take it to the bank.

Sunday, August 17, 2025

Chelsea v. Crystal Palace | 9:00am EST

The Club World Cup winners against the FA cup winners. This should be a good one. Just kidding, Chelsea is going to destroy them. Chelsea’s squad is too deep, too loaded, and so good. Spending over a billion dollars over three seasons might be the way to go. I don’t know, I wont be watching. Just take Chelsea and move on.

Nottingham Forest v. Brentford | 9:00am EST

Forest have a narrative against them this season it feels like. The owner of Forest complained enough after Crystal Palace qualified for the Europa league with their FA cup win, they got Palace moved to the Conference league. The main complaint was that the owners of Palace also own French club, Lyon, who are also in this season’s Europa league. Dumb. So there are many fans out there that have an agenda against Forest. Also, Forest’s owner completely blocked Morgan Gibbs-White from moving to Spurs after the deal was completed. That seems to also be on his plate. They’ve signed James McAtee from Manchester City and lost Anthony Elanga to Newcastle. Other than that, the team remains the same. Brentford are cooked for this season. They’ve sold Norgaard, Mbuemo, and keeper Mark Flekken. They replaced those guys with Kelleher, backup keeper from Liverpool and a 36 year old, Jordan Henderson from Ajax, who was Liverpool’s captain for many years before departing. Brentford let their manager, Thomas Frank, leave for the Spurs job opening this summer and I could not tell you his replacement. Let me look it up real quick. Keith Andrews, their former set piece coach. Yeah, right. Good one. They will finish very very low. Close to relegation. I’ll have

Manchester United v. Arsenal | 11:30am EST

Fellow haters! Calling all fellow haters! Please, gather around. Do I have something for you. For United, the debuts of Sesko, Mbuemo, and Cunha. For Arsenal, the debuts of Norgaard, Zubimendi, Madueke, and Gyokeres (possibly, injured). Gather around, please brothers. This could be generational. And I don’t say that lightly. Look for Arsenal to go up early and for United to sit back and wait for their moment. There will not be a winner in this one. United will be much better at home this season and their new and improved attack will show. BUT. If it does not, we laugh. If Arsenal’s new guys do not show up, we laugh. If both sides have a stinker, WE WIN. HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAH.

EPL Unfiltered Parlay: Week 1 (+4238)

Record: 0-0

• Aston Villa ML (+125)
• Spurs ML (-230)
• Sunderland or Draw (-165)
• Manchester City Team Total o2.5 (+154)
• Chelsea ML (-160)
• Forest ML (+115)