EPL Unfiltered: Week 22
Now that the midweek fixtures are over, we can move to week 22. A brand new week. A new week to laugh at Manchester United. A new week to laugh at Chelsea. As for Liverpool, Newcastle and I can’t believe I’m saying this, Forest, we just sit back and wait. We sit back and wait for the inevitable. Liverpool are beginning to stutter. Newcastle will come back down to reality eventually. Forest surely can’t keep this up, right? Right? Tell me that I am right. I will be right. Follow me.
Saturday, January 18th, 2025
Newcastle United v Bournemouth – 7:30am EST
These two teams played back in August to a 1-1 draw. But that was when the season was fresh. These two teams are tested now. Newcastle are on a crazy run at the moment. Alexander Isak is on an outstanding run at the moment. The guy has 11 goals in his last ten appearances, with two in Newcastle’s game against Wolves. To be fair, I could get in behind those Wolves defenders and bag a couple. But that’s neither here nor there. Surely Newcastle could keep up this form. They are 6/6 on all three points on this run. It should be difficult for Bournemouth. But the Cherries have been decent recently. They just drew Chelsea on Tuesday after a stoppage time goal from Reece James to save the game for Chelsea. Bournemouth should have won the game. Unlucky. These two teams have drew three out of the last five matches in the Premier League and I am expecting another. Thank god this is the early game. But I love this sport and I will be up to watch. You can count on that. Bournemouth are too close to City for my liking so I will be rooting hard for another draw.
Brentford v Liverpool – 10:00am EST
For the love of god Brentford, please treat Liverpool with the same exact energy that you just gave City on Tuesday. I do not know what compelled Brentford to just absolutely give it to City on Tuesday but if they come out on Saturday and put out a stinker, you better believe that I will be their #1 hater for the rest of the season. But I mean, good for them. They didn’t just lay over and accept defeat after City went up 2-0 and they fought back for the draw. Cool. Do the same to Liverpool. When Liverpool goes up on them, I am expecting the same exact treatment. Liverpool got put to the test on their last game against Forest after Forest went up 1-0 early. Eventually, they put on Diogo Jota and he had to save the day once again. Hey Liverpool fans, who is next up on the list for the meat slurping? Mo Salah is GONE. Trent Alexander-Arnold is GONE (After this season). So who will it be? Bet that you wish that you guys had a young English star boy of your own like I have Phil Foden. If this game doesn’t end in a Brentford win or a draw, I will have some not very nice things to say about those Bees. Do your job.
West Ham United v Crystal Palace – 10:00am EST
This game just stinks of chaos. Both of these teams are low in the table, can’t defend, can barely score, and I do not trust either to win a game. West Ham did just signed Graham Potter as their new manager and they won the only Premier League match that he has managed so far. I don’t know what he is cooking but it is starting to maybe smell good? I don’t know. This game right here will tell you if you should be in or out on Potter. In order to get out of the bottom of the table, you have to snag points off teams from the top where you can and you must beat the teams that are around you. Coming into a struggling team in the middle of the season is tough. Maybe now if they get some decent results, the club will finally sign a real striker this window and fight for top ten? Who knows. Maybe someone on the board will read this and use their brain for once. Then you could play your players in their real positions for once. Palace just lost Trevor Chalobah after Chelsea recalled him from his loan spell with the Eagles. Dirty club. They basically forced this guy out of the team back in July and told him to kick rocks. And now all of a sudden he’s being welcomed back like nothing has happened after he’s been so good for Palace this season. Good luck Palace.
Arsenal v Aston Villa – 12:30pm EST
Corner FC is at it again. They are feeling good about themselves probably after a “big” win against a Tottenham team that currently sits in 14th place in the league. Super big win for Aura FC, let’s go. Very cool guys. Now you have to face a real team. A serious team. A Villa side that is in 7th place after beating Everton on Wednesday. Both teams will be playing some Champions League football next week, so I am expecting a very underwhelming match to watch. The outcome of course will carry a massive impact on the title race. Arsenal could jump to just a point behind Liverpool and Villa could pass City and Chelsea in the table if those fixtures go their way. Who knows. Should be alright. Anti-football football versus counter-attack football. Oh boy. I’m hoping for a tie. Arsenal don’t deserve anything though. Vibes FC.
Sunday, January 19th, 2025
Everton v Tottenham Hotspur – 9:00am EST
Little old Tottenham. Poor Tottenham. Forever living in the shadows of bigger clubs in London. Hey, Fulham may be a bigger club than Spurs are. Spurs are now 7-3-11 on the season, enjoying their spot in 14th and are coming off a loss to probably the most embarrassing club in all of England. Possibly all of Europe I might add. But it was to the second most embarrassing team in England, Arsenal. Spurs are probably desperate for a win this weekend but I wouldn’t put it past them to put up an all time stinker. If this occurs, say goodbye to big Ange and get ready to learn Championship football, buddy. Pathetic club. Weak club. Small club. Give me Everton with the high vibes with their new manager. It may be easy to kick when they’re down, but it’s Tottenham Hotspur. You can’t just not.
Manchester United v Brighton & Hove Albion – 9:00am EST
Manchester United, I am not moved by this recent performance. Don’t be fooled with that score line. These bums trailed the league rock bottom, Southampton. Read that again. They were down for 40 minutes before Amad Diallo decided to just lay the pipe on those guys. A 13 minute hat-trick for the guy helped United move from 15th to 12th. These guys celebrated like it was the Champions League final if I am being honest. It was quite embarrassing. When these teams faced off in August, Brighton won. Not that shocking. But this game will be at Old Trafford on Sunday and I think it’ll go differently. Hey. Hey United fan boys. No Rashford? No 28 year old star boy anymore? New manager doesn’t like him? Aw. Enjoy Antony and Garnacho bozos.
Ipswich Town v Manchester City – 11:30am EST
Breaking news bots! Erling Haaland just signed a brand new nine and a half year extension. Yeah. Oh no, you all thought Manchester City was just a stepping stone to get to Real VARdrid or Barcelona? Yeah right buddy. We got that pull. Cope some more. When he breaks the Premier League goal scoring record, I will be laughing at you all. That’s a promise. But DK, Manchester City are still facing 115 charges, surely Haaland will be gone if they get relegated. HAHAHAHAH. You idiots. You really think that if this club was going to get relegated and given some huge points deduction, they would be out here in a January window just spending like nothing was going on or that the charges were beaten? HAHAHHA. Sad sad reality you muppets are living in. Manchester City 4-0. Haaland hat-trick.
EPL Unfiltered Parlay: Week 22
Brentford/Liverpool o2.5, Newcastle/Bournemouth o2.5, Arsenal/Villa u2.5, Brighton or Draw, Manchester City ML + o2.5 (+964)
Season Record: 55-38
This is not gambling advice, it’s just how it be.
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